Lockdown Day 30 – Fear and Loathing in Inverurie by Duncan Harley

Boris got tough virus-wise on March 23, thirty days ago according to the Sun and same thirty days ago according to the Guardian. So that’s alright then. Thirty days to get used to lockdown and thirty days to find stuff to occupy the long days.
No problem, I’ll write another book I thought. At maybe 2k words each day it should take at most forty days plus maybe another 10 days of formatting.
Then add maybe ten editing days and ten more for subbing and more subbing. Trick with subbing of course is to spot grammar as well as spelling mistakes. Trick two – read it all backwards out loud from back to front. That’ll sort out the men from the buoys!

Plus of course punctuation. Ok, make that eighty or so days. Or maybe 90 when you include proofing for accuracy, dates, timelines – we are talking non-fiction local history here! And, of course, the placing of images, creation of a cover plus some back-page. I could go on. Oh, and I need a willing graphic artist for that cover. The cover sells the book after all. Such a lot to do.
So, thirty days in, I am not even half way through the writing process.

It’s not for want of trying. But distractions come by the dozen. Firstly, there was the scary problem of how to shop. Fear and loathing sums it up. Learning how to social distance is a biggie and not everyone gets it. Thirty days on I have learned to avoid certain big-name corner shops. Chaotic and probably dangerous, they flout the rules and put both staff and shoppers at risk. No proper distancing, no obvious attempt at sanitation and no obvious footfall management apart from some random stickers on the floor plus some odd bits of orange tape around the doors. And to think my old mum used to collect the twice yearly dividend.

Then there’s the thorny question of exercise. I have a home treadmill. But same view every day at dawn makes for a dull boy, especially on sunny days.

A midday walk round the park or round the high street might be an option. But the park is full of dogs and abandoned turds and closed roundabouts. And the high street is full of boarded up shops and tumbleweed signs advising that  'We are closed due to the pandemic and hope to open again soon'. Both park and the high street are somewhat uninviting.  Anyway, I don’t have a dog and cat Lucy, who used to enjoy a stroll, died last July. So, contra to government guidance I have taken to filming. Todays effort involved a local bridge over the Don and will after suitable editing end up on YouTube in front of maybe a following of twenty fervent fans. But no matter. Keeps me focused and largely sane. Yeah, bridges. Sad.

Mind you, the revelation by Carol Midgley in today’s Times that desperate folk in lockdown were fashioning improvised sex-toys from everyday objects such as Kindles, electric toothbrushes and iPhones did throw me a bit. Doesn’t Ann Summers do mail order?

Anyway. The next book is well underway, I am avoiding dangerous shops and don’t yet have an artist lined up for the front cover. All good then and lots to do.

Duncan Harley is author of The A-Z of Curious Aberdeenshire and The Little History of Aberdeenshire. Both titles can be ordered from Amazon

Location: Inverurie AB51, UK

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